15 wine jokes to tickle you rosé

Posted by Matthew Stibbe

You know that red meat pairs well with an Amarone. You know that a Muscat complements a nice piece of fish. But, do you know what goes best with wine of any hue?


No matter the wine, it is best served with good times. In fact, we’d argue that nothing tastes better than that feeling you get with good company and good conversation. Lots of psychological factors affect the taste of wine. Perhaps a good joke will help too.

When the wine flows, so too does the conversation. But, if you find it running dry, here are some of our favourite wine jokes you can use to get back on track.

Wine tasting for beginners CTA

Your dad’s wine jokes

  1. What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  2. I’ve trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. It’s a Bordeaux collie.
  3. I’m a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
  4. I was having wine with my wife when she said ‘I love you so much, you know. I      don’t know how I could ever live without you.’ I said, ‘Is that you or the wine talking?’ She said, ‘It’s me talking to the wine.’
  5. Love the wine you’re with.
  6. What do you call a wine hangover? The grape depression.
  7. What’s the secret to enjoying a good bottle of wine? Open the bottle to let it breathe. If it doesn’t look like it’s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
  8. If you can drink away your hurt, it must have been champagne.
  9. Wine improves with age. I improve with wine.
  10. How do you decide how much wine to drink? Take it on case-by-case basis.
  11. What do you call a grape that is an anti-diuretic? Pinot More.
  12. Did you know wine doesn’t make you fat? It makes you lean…against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
  13. It’s funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible but 8 glasses of wine is a sign of a good meal.
  14. The first thing on my bucket list? To fill the bucket with wine.
  15. We have an open-door policy. Show up with wine, and we’ll open the door.

For a more serious approach to wine, check out our beginner’s guide to wine tasting.

Wine tasting for beginners CTA